Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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