Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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