The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
