Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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