Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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