dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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