just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I enjoy the company of your penis
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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