My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
