I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
