Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Panties = found
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize