I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
