She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize