I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
