There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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