Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
