I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dear god my vagina.
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