Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
