I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
