im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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