i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
