How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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