He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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