They should really pass out barf bags in church
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
