I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
