it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize