I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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