oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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