Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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