Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
