This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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