i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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