i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
