Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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