No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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