Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
