"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
