New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
