They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
