11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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