You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
