Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
