well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
