woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
