oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
