when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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