Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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