Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize