people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
