11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
false alarm, still single
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