Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
