You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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