Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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