also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We are all done wearing pants today
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
