I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
