I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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