No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize