just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
