The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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