The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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