Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
