There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
