You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
