sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
