you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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