is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
