Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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