Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
