Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
