Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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