is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
