so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
