But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
