my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
