Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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