Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
