Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
