is your mom at the bar?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
