there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
