we're blogging at a bar
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
