Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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