are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
